Don't let them see, let it go.

Unseen

    I sit here wondering just which is colder the snow or one's heart.  My world is changing and not for the better because most people are becoming colder then a blizzard ever could be.  We all walk our paths but we are forgetting that we are all humans who have to live in the world together not divided.  We struggle with pain of those who hurt us and there are more hurting people who are appearing each moment I type this.  My words flow from my heart and another comes along and says, 'get over it, that is life.'  How does one get over what pain another has caused them?  I cannot let go when there are reminders all around me and surrounding my memory.  Someone I know speaks out about her grief over the loss of her young Son and people show her their cruel fangs.  Others speak out about people who bully, violate you, and the people whom shunned them without giving them a reason.  They are told to get over it and move on because you shouldn't live in the past and yet they don't see their own pain.  Hiding the pain only gives that pain the power to grow to the point it takes your life.  Do we not see that we are our own worst enemy?  I don't live in the past but I have to go back and face it because if I don't then I stay in this sea of pain forever.  I want to be free of it truly free and for me death would never give me that freedom.  I want my body and spirit to be free from the pain that has occurred in my life up too now.  I know that my pain had made me stronger, though I do not feel that way.  But if it hadn't my life would have ended many years ago and the people I met in my life up too now would never have known me.  They are wonderful beings who extended a hand out to someone they never met face to face and accepted them for whom they are.  That is becoming rare these days but I will always extend my hand out and leave the choice of taking that hand up to them.

     My heart breaks each times someone tells me they want to die to just end the pain that plague's them.  How do you give another a reason to live?  You cannot that has to come from the person themselves and only I can support you with my friendship and love with each step you take to grab onto life.  Pain will always be a part of life there is not one person in this world who has not experienced it and I'm glad it is there.  Sounds really odd don’t it?  I mean how can anyone be glad there is pain in their life.  But without the pain my life would not be as it is today and I mean that I could be the one inflicting pain instead of trying to help others heal from it.  I feel pain has been a teacher who has taught me that others feel similarly to how I feel and that life should not be taken for granted.  I was taken for granted when a man forced himself upon me at the age of ten causing my life to spiral downwards into that darkness of anger, shame, despair, and hate.  Hate of men and the hate of myself for allowing him to make me a victim that ended him taking my happiness away for over twenty years.  Now, I am fighting back to get the life I denied myself and the one stolen from me but it is taking hard work and I am not doing it alone.

     Borders are put up all around us to keep our enemy out but there is a price for that too and often that price is way too high to pay.  In reality I feel most people don't want to be aware of the price for they would rather isolate themselves from others who are different in order to justify their hatred of their lifestyle.  If they were to get to know them, it may mean everything they believed in was wrong.  That is not true and I am mainly talking about people who tell you that just because the Bible says it is wrong and that makes it wrong.  We cannot place modern interpretation on the Bible when the words were written many, many millenniums ago.  Words had different meanings then and when you put today meaning onto the Bible the original message is lost among the sea of modern meanings.  We should take the Bible of yesterday and study the meaning of words back then and just maybe I might believe what you say is true otherwise I will not follow your way if you have not the true message.  I may not be a Bible reader but I do believe in the power of words for they can heal you or they can damage you to the point you can take your own life.  Words are healing/deadly depending on how we interpret them or use them in our daily lives.  I am no different I allow words to still bind me down but I am slowly breaking those chains by exploring the true meaning I place upon the words themselves.  Life is not easy but I have to stop making it more difficult and painful then it has to be for I am a child walking the path of life discovering herself as she goes.  I'm human which means I accept all that is me the good, bad, and between.  I'm glad to be a human having a human experience along with good loving friends and family. I shall try to let it go and walk onward along with all that will come into my life.
Love & Light.